Marsha GillJune is my birthday month—and if you know me, you know I treat this season as more than just a celebration of getting older. It’s a checkpoint. A sacred pause. A time to reflect on what’s behind me, what’s still living inside me, and what I’m intentionally choosing to leave behind.
This year, I found myself coming back to a truth I’ve learned, lived, and now teach: sometimes the only way forward… is backward. Say it with me, sometimes the only way forward…is backward. I mean, taking the time and intentionality to understand and own your story. I call it healing backwards.
Healing Backwards Looks Like…
- Reparenting the little girl who needed protection, not perfection.
- Giving your Inner Daughter the safety to cry, rage, question, and hope.
- Letting go of the roles that kept you invisible.
- Breaking cycles that told you selflessness was virtue, but left you empty.
While we can’t change the past, we can change our relationship with it. That’s the healing. That’s the power. That’s the transformation. Why is this important? Doing so allows you to look at what shaped you, what silenced you, what you never got but deeply needed—and making space for that part of you now. It’s choosing to mother yourself with tenderness, protection, and truth in ways your younger self never experienced. When I do this deep work with mother-daughter couples, the daughter gets to witness her mother healing backwards. When I do with with women no matter how old, I get to witness her healing backwards which is so powerful! So it’s not easy to do, and it’s not about blaming. It’s about becoming whole.
Here’s the thing tool that cracked it open for me? Radical, soul-honoring self-care. Now, I’m not talking about bubble baths or spa (though yes, I’ll gladly take both this birthday month!). This work, the work of healing backwards, is the kind of self-care that shifts your lineage. For so many women—especially daughters, caregivers, high achievers, and cycle-breakers—self-care is a radical act of healing. It’s how we mother ourselves.
Why Self-Care Isn’t Selfish—It’s Sacred
Despite what you’ve been told or maybe even witnessed, women give until they are empty. You might carry this belief: I have to earn rest. I have to prove my worth. I need to be needed to be loved.
But that belief leads straight to burnout, resentment, and invisibility. And the truth is:
You don’t have to abandon yourself to be a good mother, daughter, leader, or woman.
Self-care is the decision to know yourself, see yourself, and care for yourself—not just when everything is falling apart, but every day.
Here’s your chance to redefine or expand on self-care. Here’s what I came up with…
Self-care Redefined:
- Saying “I matter” without apology.
- Making room for your feelings even if no one ever made room for theirs.
- Breaking emotional cycles by resting instead of overfunctioning.
- Choosing softness after generations of hardness.
- Being the woman who hears, holds, and honors herself.
See, Sis, self-care is no longer an indulgence. This is the kind of care that doesn’t just refresh your body—it rewires your story.
5 Ways to Practice Healing Backwards Through Self-Care
1. Ask: What did I need growing up that I didn’t get? Was it softness? Encouragement? Protection? Time alone? Let that unmet need become your clue, let that unmet need become your self-care guide. Give yourself what your younger self needed.
2. Stop apologizing for your needs. You’re not too much. You’re not too sensitive. You’re human. Releasing the guilt around needing rest, space, or silence is how we reclaim our emotional power.
3. Create rituals that center YOU. Not routines that keep you busy—but rituals that help you breathe. Maybe it looks like a 10-minute morning stretch. Or a midday walk without multitasking. Tucking away for a journal session under a soft lamp. These small acts speak loudly to your nervous system: You are safe now.
4. Say no without a 12-step explanation. This was a hard one for me. Every time you say no to something that drains you, you’re saying yes to the woman you’re becoming. Boundaries are a form of self-love and ancestral healing.
5. Celebrate your growth—even if it’s invisible. Listen, you may never have a certificate to hang up for breaking emotional cycles. But every time you choose a loving response over a triggered one… that’s the work. That’s the transformation.
Choose You
June may be my birthday month, but I want to offer this gift to you too: the permission to choose yourself. Think about it this way, choosing yourself isn’t selfish—it’s a homecoming. Woohoo! It’s the quiet yet profoundly powerful decision to stop abandoning your own needs and start honoring your truth.
To slow down.
To feel what’s been buried.
To rewrite your story, one caring act at a time.
When you choose yourself, you begin to heal backwards—tending to the parts of you your mother couldn’t reach, the patterns she may have passed down, and the silence you once called strength. When you choose YOU, you truly redefine self-care—not as a reward for being productive, but as a practice of remembering who you are without the weight of everyone else’s expectations. Eeek, when you mother yourself with kindness, you not only heal backwards—you create a new emotional inheritance for the women who come after you.
So here’s to rest, joy, boundaries, and bold self-love.
Let this be the month you stop shrinking and start shining!
XoXo,
Marsha D. Gill
